Emphasis on Cosmophobia
by knightsAnomaly
Summary: Soy Sauce: The hot new drug. Alternians: The hot, not-really new aliens. The Ghost Stoppers: The friend group of self-proclaimed Vigilantes Against Mean Paranormal And Extra-Terrestrial Entities, who really regret letting John have full creative control over their title.


**a/n**: wiggles fingers i figured i'd post this on here, too. possibly (probably) will receive a rating bump if i actually get around to writing more. if you're wondering on the romance, there will be some, but it won't be the main focus (rose/kanaya, jade/karkat/dave, and possibly pale john/karkat will be the main things mentioned or showed)

this is semi inspired by the book_ John Dies at the End_ by **David Wong**

Cosmophobia - _the unreasoning fear of the cosmos_

* * *

"Of all the scenarios detailing my own death that I had imagined, this was never one of them. I have to say I'm impressed at the effort of stupidity that brought us here, Dave. Very impressed."

"Shut up, Rose. You sure this wasn't what you imagined? I always figured I'd die with you yakking my ear off, and look! Here we are, right on schedule with your unhelpful comments, just as planned. I figured you'd be too bored and heartbroken without poor ole me around to fuck with, so you'd follow right after, y'know, sword to the gut or something."

"How crass. Actually–"

"Seriously, oh my god, shut up, I'm trying to figure out a plan here and you are not helping. You're awfully fucking chill for someone about to die in some shitty old-cartoon villain trap here."

"Probably. Dave, do me a favor and reach under my dress."

"Uh, the fuck? I know I joke, and we're about to kick the bucket here, go out all Bonnie and Clyde style, but I don't actually want to touch your–"

"There is a knife in my stocking, Dave, but I can't reach it from here."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Got it."

Dave had already methodically checked his hand's mobility when they first woke up after their brief minutes of unconsciousness, tied up behind him as they were and slowly losing feeling while pressed against _some_ part of Rose, so he knew they were loose enough that he could probably reach Rose's thighs. Wiggling his fingers against the fabric of her dress he took as much as he could into his hand and bunched it up. Thankfully, she was wearing one of her shorter dresses. Probably because this was not exactly how they planned this outing to go. "Which leg?"

"My left."

"Got it." Dave huffed, nudging the fabric to stay over his knuckles and sliding his arms down further – seriously, the stupid fucker that left them there could tie some incredible knots but left way too much movement left – and groping around once he felt the top of her stockings.

"Move your hand a little to the right," He couldn't see her face but he assumed it to be scrunched up in discontent, despite her plain tone. "Try not to cut me, will you?"

"No promises," He mumbled, following her instruction and feeling his fingertips hit something solid. He twisted his wrist and grabbed at it carefully. "Okay, got it, do not fucking move because if I drop this we're so screwed."

"I wasn't planning on it. Now, cut my hands free so I can find your shoe." She eyed the shards of glass and the glowing, writhing insects gathered below them. They were an alien breed that burrowed into any open wound or orifice to lay eggs and feed off the host for the few days it could live after being compromised, as had been explained to them, and neither of them particularly wanted to become a deceased breeding ground for bugs that looked like someone had dipped maggots in neon green paint. Thankfully, they couldn't fly. "My boots should be enough cover."

Dave nodded, not bothering to reply verbally despite facing away from each other, and carefully pulled the knife out of Rose's stockings. It took concentration to balance it in his tied hands but he managed to pull it up higher to where Rose's own were dangling.

He cut carefully at the ropes to her hands and the one connected to her torso, hearing Rose hiss. The knife was sharp and the rope was low-grade, so it didn't take long to saw through it. He listened to the thud as Rose dropped the yard between them and the ground, boots crunching glass and splattering a few alien bug guts around. She brought her hands up to the front of her body immediately and held them close to her, eyeing the bugs carefully as they swarmed a drop of her own blood on the ground hungrily.

"I said not to cut me." She admonished, stepping out of the circle.

"Well sor_ry_, princess, this ain't exactly the easiest position to cut rope in." He jiggled the knife in his hands for emphasis, swaying on the rope slightly. "Here," He tossed it down, aiming outside the area of the bugs, and she quickly scooped it up to saw off the ropes around her torso, wincing in relief at the constrictions loosening.

Rose wiped her hand on the dress, examining the cut briefly before deeming it small enough to not need immediate attention, and started looking around the mostly empty room for a dress shoe. "I can't believe you actually threw your shoe at it."

"Wow, you're still talking. You really do want to nag me to death, don't you."

She rolled her eyes, bending to pick up a shoe near a pile of crumpled boxes and shaking the black goo off with a few flicks of her wrist. "A ghost in possession of a human body is not likely to be harmed by a shoe hitting it," She picked up one of the crumpled boxes as well, dragging it over and plopping it on top of most of the bugs and glass. Stepping on it and digging her heels in vindictively she grabbed Dave's dangling right foot and put his shoe on. "You are lucky he was already dead by time of possession, or we might be in trouble when this is over."

"Whatever. Not like you did any better." He snorted, kicking lightly at her hands. "Just cut me down, asshole, so we can find the damn thing and finish it off."

"Maybe I should just leave you here and wait for someone else to find you." As she talked she had already crossed the room again to where the rope was tied to a metal support beam. Cutting the rope quickly she snorted as Dave crumpled down, hopping on one foot to keep himself upright before standing up straight and stiffening his shoulders.

"Maybe I should just let you go on alone and I'll head back to base where we are supposed to be right now, schmoozing our beau's and watching John try to reach the top of the white board." He waited for her to walk back over to him to cut off his own ropes before continuing. "Maybe I'll schmooz your hottie too, take them all out on the town and laugh at how foolish we were to hang around such a cruel witch."

"I know you're shaken, but shut up."

"Am not," He said stubbornly, rubbing at his now free wrists and letting Rose pluck his cellphone from his front pocket. "You texting Kanaya?"

"Jade." She replied, pulling up Dave's pesterchum app. Jade rarely remembered her cellphone, but she always had a computer nearby.

- **turntechGodhead** [**TG**] began pestering **gardenGnostic** [**GG**] at 01:13:49 –-

**TG: Jade, are you there?**  
**GG: dave?**  
**GG: where the heck are you guys? karkat will not SHUT UP and you were supposed to be here hours ago!**  
**GG: kanaya looks pretty ticked off too actually**  
**GG: they said they had something important to show us remember! they wont show us until were all here :/**  
**TG: I know, we ran into some trouble on the way.**  
**TG: This is Rose, by the way. We need you to come pick us up, alright?**  
**GG: what happened to your phone? why are you two always getting in to trouble**  
**TG: We relish the danger. Also, my phone is broken.**  
**GG: ugh.**  
**GG: alright, let me grab my keys, where the hell ARE you guys? :(**  
**TG: Presumably an abandoned warehouse. I'm sure you can track Dave's phone to get the location, right?**  
**TG: We have something to take care of first but I'm sure we will be finished by the time you get here. If not, bring a squirt gun.**  
**GG: squirt gun?**  
**TG: Ghost.**  
**GG: ohhh**  
**GG: alright, ive got your location, i should be there in fifteen minutes, okay? tell dave im kicking his ass when i get there!**  
**TG: Why only Dave's ass?**  
**GG: i think john and kanaya will have you covered later**  
**TG: Ganging up on us, then. **  
**GG: exactly**  
**TG: Well then, I expect to see you soon.**  
**GG: try not to die before i get there okay!**

- **turntechGodhead** [**TG**] ceased pestering **gardenGnostic** [**GG**] at 01:21:53 –-

"Your little lovenest is not impressed," Rose quipped, passing him his phone back.

"God dammit," He grumbled, eyes flicking over the screen. "Neither is yours."

He pointed one hand towards the south side of the building. "Anyway, I'm pretty sure it went back there. Let's go before Jade gets here and goes all wolverine on us."

Giving the room and the bugs one last glance, they headed towards the backdoor. Between the two of them, they had one knife and one flask full of holy water, which Rose nudged Dave to make sure it stayed in easy grabbing distance within his jacket. They didn't have much space to mess up again, and they were woefully unprepared for running into a possessed body that night.

The door was just as dirty looking as the rest of the building and was marred with long scratches. Black goo was in a small pool near the bottom, so Rose summed up Dave had been right. Her lip curled.

Dave jiggled the handle, looking the door over before throwing it open, hand reaching up in his jacket as he quickly darted outside. A hideous screech echoed and Rose rushed out after him, knife ready and eyes darting around.

It was much lighter out here, between two decrepit metal buildings with the moon shining bright above them and crates stacked all around in makeshift platforms. The body was limping around one of the stacks, fingers digging into the wood and trying to climb them or push past them. It was hindered by the rusty metal pole embedded right below the knee and was obviously growing frustrated. Bugs were scattered around it, crawling over it and one another and glowing dimmer in the moonlight. They were bigger than the ones inside, slightly.

It wasn't a very bright ghost, seeing as it chose to stay in the decaying body rather than fly off to find a new host, but that was all the more luck for them. Even if the indignation of getting momentarily bested by it was embarrassing.

The body had swung its head around to scream, the sound raising the hairs on the back of their necks as it swiveled towards them in a disjointed manner, like a puppet being yanked around by the strings. Its movements caused more of the bugs to fall out of its ears. It was gross to watch and Dave unscrewed the flask when the body started lurching towards them.

It had been much faster when they had found it originally, chasing after it and getting tricked in the warehouse, but Dave had stunned it with his shoe long enough for Rose to jab a nearby broken pipe into its leg before it managed to exert its psychics to knock them out. They were sure it was an alien ghost, now, though likely a weak one that never learned how to use its abilities. Rose moved closer to Dave and kept her knife up as he shook the flask. "Get its mouth open or something, the eyes are too fucking droopy and there isn't much left in here."

She nodded, looking around again for anything useful and finding nothing. She would have to get closer and make it scream long enough for Dave to safely get the holy water down the bodies throat. She wasn't looking forward to having to get so close to it. Breathing out her nose she stepped forward, holding the knife level with the bodies neck as they slowly approached each other. She was apprehensive about throwing her only defensive weapon on the off change she'd miss, but she trusted her aim and Dave's speed. She reared her arm back, throwing the knife on a forward step and back-stepping quickly as the weapon squelched at contact with the skin at the base of the neck. Dave rushed ahead as the body convulsed, screeching wide as more bugs crawled out of its mouth. Dave shoved the bottle in the opening, hard enough to send most of the flask into the mouth as the holy water poured down before flashstepping away.

"Jesus tit-fucking christ," He breathed, watching in vague fascination as the body clawed at its face and the flask before its whole body bulged once and collapsed, a growing pool of black spreading from it.

The bugs had stilled in their wiggling briefly before joyously converging towards the body.

"That shit is so disgusting." Dave sneered, crushing a bug that tried to crawl past his shoes and turning around to head back into the building. "C'mon, Harley should be here soon."

Rose hummed in agreement, watching the bugs crawl over the body and their tiny teeth tear off flesh and hair and burrow inside the skin. It really was disgusting.

"Rose, seriously."

"I'm coming, calm down." She slowly turned around to follow Dave. "I'm sure Jade has a tag along or two, anyway. We could always walk."

"I don't plan on listening to Karkat whine anymore than I have to, alright?" He snorted, stepping around the smaller piles of goo that was still inside the building. "What do you think they wanted to show us, anyway?" He held his fingers up and moved them around in nonsensical patterns. "Think they found out how to make freaky alien-human hybrid babies?"

"Oh, surely. Would the donor for your child be you or Jade?" They stopped at the front opening and peered out into the night, watching as a truck down the road slowly began growing bigger in their sights. "We'll find out soon, at any rate. Let's hope it is good news."


End file.
